


Not All That

by mOther3



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda Pre Slash, The new order of the stone is poly I don’t make the rules, choose your own story elements!, this is really just Lukas having a crisis abt Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2020-12-16 08:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21033002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mOther3/pseuds/mOther3
Summary: “Um. Don’t take this the wrong way but...” That was never a great start to a conversation. Another awkward pause punctuated the space. “Jesse, you look like hell.”“Wow, thanks.Isthere a right way for me to take that?”—Lukas meets up with Jesse and shares a difficult heart to heart with him. Life isn’t all peaceful since they’d returned home.





	1. Lukas

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I haven’t finished all of story mode and I’m a dummy for deciding to *heavily* invest myself in it after telltale decided to wipe it from existence, but I just love how nuanced the cast is. I wish there were more instances of characters talking about how they’ve been impacted by all the stuff that went down in season 1 bc there’s clearly some trauma there but it’s never really expanded upon aside from passing mentions (I’m not all the way through s2 yet so maybe that will change). 
> 
> Lukas is by far my favorite of the new order so please enjoy some heart to heart between them and Jesse taking place right before s2e1 when the gang gets together to hear what Lukas has written. 
> 
> One last note, I made Lukas non-binary because I feel like it fits them. they also wear the colors of the flag (purple, black, yellow, and white), which makes me very happy :)

Lukas was the first to arrive, beloved journal tucked under their arm and held with care. They’d spent a lot less time together after settling down from adventuring—all of them—having gone off to tend to their own duties picked up as they’d travelled, fought, and made friends. Today was special. The whole Order was gathering to hear Lukas’ latest writing chronicling their journeys together through worlds. 

The quiet footsteps break the silence of the hall, catching Jesse’s attention. He looks up lazily, half asleep over an old book on farming (not the most interesting topic for him). A diversion was more than welcome, especially one in the form of a close friend. 

Lukas sits next to him in silence, taking the book from under their arm and holding it in their lap, running a hand against the worn cover. The mutual silence is broken by a soft sigh from the blonde and they speak in a quiet voice. 

“Hey uh. There’s no way to put this without it sounding super weird. Have you been sleeping? Like at all?”

This earned a little chuckle from Jesse. “Well it’s good to see you too, buddy.” 

“Right, sorry. Hi Jesse.” They hug. It’s routine by now to greet each other with a close embrace (after all they’d been through), but both appreciated every hug like it was sacred. 

“What makes you ask that?” He’d gotten used to all sorts of unusual conversation from friends—almost expected it, but the way Lukas asked with grave sincerity made him pause. This was important to them.

Lukas waits a moment, like they’re mustering the strength to speak, “Um. Don’t take this the wrong way but...” That was never a great start to a conversation. Another awkward pause punctuated the space. “Jesse, you look like hell.”

“Wow, thanks. _Is_ there a right way for me to take that?”

“Okay, what I mean is that I’m... we’re worried about you. We’re all worried about each other. I won’t lie, I haven’t slept more than an hour at a time for the last _month_.” 

“... Really?” Jesse sits up, alert now. 

“Would I lie to you?”

“... Okay. You got me. I haven’t gotten a solid night’s sleep in forever.” He wouldn’t lie either. Every time he closed his eyes he saw the dying faces of his friends and allies. 

Lukas rubs the back of their head. Nervous habit, ever since they’d been chipped and forced out of control of their body. “So. You wanna talk about it..? Cause..” they sigh and shut their eyes, warding off memories, “I. I need someone to talk with. I mean, the rest of us, we all know we aren’t sleeping but... we haven’t _talked_ about...” Lukas trails off, having lost their train of thought to exhaustion and shakes their head, opening their bloodshot eyes and meeting Jesse’s concerned stare. “I gotta say all this stuff in my head. I’ve tried writing.” They flip through the journal. As beautiful as all the clean handwriting and illustrations of their travels were, it saddened Jesse to know it was a coping mechanism for everything inside instead of an homage to its contents. “I’ve nearly filled this book. It’s not helping.”

“You can talk. I’m listening.”

“I’ve... _Died_, Jesse. I died once in those ridiculous games, and _almost_ died three times now. It’s piling up. I dream about getting crushed and falling to my death and the storm and I still hear that computer in my head telling me to do awful things! Jesse I-“

“Whoa, hey... you’re okay.” A gentle (and worn) hand meets Lukas’ and they slowly release the vise grip on their journal, letting the pages go and breathing shakily. 

“Am I? I worry so much now. It’s not just about me getting killed, it’s all of us. I’m just so _afraid_. It’s a big world and I wish I hadn’t seen it, because deep down, I know we can’t handle it, no matter how confident we are.” They squeeze Jesse’s hand, holding on and meeting his warm eyes, trying to find the solace he’d always offer.

Jesse met their longing gaze and opened his mouth...

>[“We’re not dead yet”]  
>[“I understand how you feel”]  
>[“It’s in the past”]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Dialogue options! I’m sure this has been done here before—I haven’t read much into the mcsm tags bc I don’t want spoilers for s2—but please comment which dialogue choice you’d like to see. It will influence dialogue in the next chapter.
> 
> — UPDATE —
> 
> > “we’re not dead yet” was chosen! 
> 
> I also finished season two and cried for like an hour!


	2. Axel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had grown so much since Jesse had last seen him, formerly messy hair slicked back and trimmed, green armor glinting in the morning light as he strode into the hall.

“Hey, all that happened and we’re still here.” Lukas shrugged and nodded their head slowly at the reassurance. “We’re not dead yet, and we won’t be for a long time if I have anything to say about it.” 

“I know. I trust you. I’m just... Scared, Jesse. We’re _really_ lucky to be alive.” They kept on crying and Jesse frowned, taking them closer and cursing the thought that nothing he’d say could really make things right. 

He held Lukas close after that, hand holding fast to their body, feeling their heaving breaths turn into quiet sobs that echoed off the walls. 

They hadn’t been vulnerable before. Always being on call, trying not to die to some monster or plan some way out of an impossible situation—it necessitated heroism and only that, never talking through feelings with this much depth. Jesse brought his forehead to Lukas’, closing his eyes letting himself feel. 

He’d lost friends, been responsible for so much. And people loved him. He knew he wasn’t worthy of it. The blood of the most special pig, world’s greatest pyrotechnic engineer, and countless others was on his hands. And people _loved_ him for it. 

Lukas looked up, giving Jesse’s hand a squeeze to pull him from his mind. They’d opened their mouth to say something, but faltered. A single tear trailed down Jesse’s cheek. Lukas wiped it away with a delicate thumb and held his friend’s face gently. 

“Never seen you cry.” 

Jesse leaned his face into Lukas’ hand and sighed. “Hm. Yeah.” He usually had something to say in reply to just about anything, but he couldn’t muster it now. 

They sat in the morning sun in tender silence, Jesse blinking away hesitant tears wiped away by Lukas, until he couldn’t bring himself to cry any more. 

“Do you feel better now that you got it out?”

“I do. Thanks for letting me cry on you.” 

Lukas musters a quiet laugh and a quavering smile. “Same here. Never done that before but... I feel kinda better too.”

—— 

A familiar knock on the chamber doors breaks the silence before the two could speak further. Jesse knew it a mile away—Axel’s signature ‘shave-and-a-haircut’ knock was his preferred way of letting his friends know he’d dropped by treehouse to spend some time. It sent a wash of warm nostalgia through Jesse and he stood, wiping his face one last time before addressing the knock. 

“Oh, is someone there?” His voice still wavered like he’d been crying. He hoped Axel wouldn’t notice. 

“Aw come on, you know who!”

“Gee, I dunno, could be a griefer after all my cool stuff, are you sure?” 

“Hmm, that, or I blow your door down for a cool entrance.” Jesse stifled a laugh at this one. Axel always made him feel better. 

“You’ve forced my hand, stranger.” (In reality, he didn’t want Olivia angry with him for another door being destroyed in a bout of destructive horseplay that the Order was prone to.)

Jesse threw the switch and the door slipped back into the walls with a quiet groan. 

Axel had grown so much since Jesse had last seen him, formerly messy hair slicked back and trimmed, green armor glinting in the morning light as he strode into the hall. Seeing him like this made Jesse proud. He’d come into his own as a real leader of Boomtown—Magnus would certainly approve of his work. 

They greeted each other with their (now carefully practiced) handshake and a hug, Axel pausing to eye Jesse’s freshly tearstreaked face. He said nothing after a curt nod from Jesse confirmed he’d been crying. 

Axel pulls away from the hug and claps a warm hand to Jesse’s shoulder, shaking his whole body. “It’s good to see you, Jess. You hanging in there without me?” His voice has a prying tone. Axel was never one for subtlety. 

“You know I try.” 

“_Are_ you?” His brow furrowed. Genuine concern crossed his face. 

“As best I can, but I’ve had better days. This life beats the hell out of most of the shit we’ve dealt with before, though. Things good on your end too?” Seeing Lukas so shaken was eye-opening. Today’s mission was making sure everyone was _actually_ doing well instead of grinning and bearing it. 

Axel shrugged, “Same here. Kinda so so. It’s a lot of work, and everyone in Boomtown is still pretty bummed about Magnus. I don’t blame them, but I feel like I owe them something...” He looks past Jesse, watching Lukas rub away tears on his face with the sleeve of his jacket. “Rough day?”

“We.. talked. Neither of us have been sleeping and it’s getting to us.”

“Yeah. Heh. Same here. Been about, let’s see here, twenty hours since I slept. And that was just for a nap.”

All Jesse could muster for a reply was a terribly sad look. He hated seeing his friends in this state and not knowing what to do. He’d always known just what to do next when his friends needed help fighting mobs or navigating perilous terrain. This was not his wheelhouse at all.

“Hey, it’s not your fault I can’t sleep.”

“I know. I don’t like seeing you and Lukas like this. It’s weird and I don’t know what to do.”

“I dunno. I think organizing this little book club was a pretty good idea. It’s just nice to see your face again and do nothing for a bit.”

Jesse felt a sad smile creep across his face and a warm hand meet his back, melting away some of the uncertainty. 

“C’mon. Let’s sit, I wanna catch up with Lukas for a bit before everyone else gets here and I can’t hear myself think.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue options will be back next chapter!


	3. Olivia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The way the morning light caught the dust in her hair and clothes gave her a twinkling red halo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a shorter chapter this time around. I’m working mostly on the admin au longfic also posted to this account. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Jesse found himself draped across Axel and Lukas’ laps, drifting in and out of sleep as the two of them talked quietly. Every now and then, Lukas would flip a page of their journal and Axel would remark quietly, bringing Jesse back to consciousness. 

“Wow. You can draw.” Jesse blinked awake at the sound of Axel’s voice. The journal was open to a page with a drawing of Jesse and Petra in one of the worlds they’d visited. They’d taken up art to pass the time and document what they’d seen. That and an excuse to be still from all the travelling they’d done. 

Lukas offers quiet chuckle in reply to the complement, “Thanks. We spent a lot of time in that portal hallway.. Guess I got a lot of practice in there.” 

They looked down at Jesse and smiled warmly seeing that he was awake. “So much for not being able to sleep, huh? Guess we have comfy laps. Sorry we woke you.” 

“Mm. Nah, I like this, awake or asleep.” A warm hand ruffled his unruly brown hair and he let out a quiet mutter of appreciation before moving up out of their laps to sit between the two. “Which drawing are you talking about?” Axel brought a hand around Jesse’s shoulder. Lukas brought a hand to his knee. 

“Oh, the one with the crazy cliffsides. You and Petra finally sat still to admire them so I took the opportunity...”

Moments like that were so precious when they were in limbo between their own world and so many others. Rarely ever did they take the time to stop and take in their surroundings—too obsessed with getting home to consider anything else. Jesse had missed Axel and Olivia dearly then. The thought of the Order being forever torn apart across worlds sent a shudder through his body that made Axel pull him closer. 

“What’d you do while we were gone?” He hadn’t been able to bring himself to ask until now. They’d been so busy reacquainting themselves with how the world had changed that they didn’t have the time to catch up. 

Axel sighed deeply when Jesse asked. Sure, the portal hall had been its own trial, but holding down the fort waiting for friends who hadn’t shown their faces for months with no prior notice was no walk in the park either. 

“We waited. Took turns keeping an eye on Beacontown. Left Redstonia to Elegaard. Olivia and I switched out between here and Boom Town every week.” Jesse leaned into him quietly, offering a silent apology for being gone so long. “It was... Sorta lonely. Olivia and I only saw each other when we’d switch. Everyone else just... I dunno. Looked right past us and saw the empty space where the Order should’ve been.” 

Jesse nodded. It wasn’t what he’d hoped for his friends, but it was what he expected. “How’d Olivia take it?”

The long pause that followed didn’t make him feel any better. 

“I didn’t see her a lot but... Not awesome. She can overthink things, so she kinda went straight to the worst case scenario. I tried to keep things light when I saw her, but you know how she gets when she’s focused on a goal.”

Jesse would never forget the look on Olivia’s face when she first saw him after being kidnapped by Hadrian. Utter disbelief, elation, and terror all at once. Hopefully today would ease the pain of their time apart. Her and Axel had put up with a lot on his behalf.

“It means the world to me that you two did that... thanks.” 

“Hey, I’d do anything for you, Jesse. I’m just glad you got home safe, I was... really worried...-” Axel‘s rambling trails off. Their gazes linger for a moment. 

Jesse feels Lukas tap him gently and point forward. Two figures cast long shadows down the entrance to the hall. 

It couldn’t be anyone else but Olivia. She had what seemed like a permanent dusting of redstone on her at all times, and the way the morning light caught the dust in her hair and clothes gave her a twinkling red halo. 

The other figure with her (must’ve been Ellegaard) offered a single wave and Jesse felt a pang of guilt shoot through him. 

> [Wait for Olivia to come over]  
> [Go see her]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, please comment to pick which choice should happen! The most popular decision will be chosen for the next chapter :)


End file.
